I came across the Oldsmobile Complimentary Tape Cartridge in the same way I come across most things: perusing the thrift store. Nestled between Lumberjacks in Love and Roger Wilson & The Low Overhead Band (contained no tape - anyone familiar?), the tape is exactly what it states - a complimentary gift from General Motors with your purchase of an Oldsmobile, filled with “hits of the time” to highlight the new vehicle's stereo system.
It piqued my interest because my first (reliable) car was a 2001 Buick Regal, a gift from my grandpa. I named her Dolly. Dolly the Buick would get me through high school, college, and eventually land me in Chicago, which would become her final resting place. Her engine went up in flames and she was scrapped for a wad of cash. I’m sure she has since turned into something as valuable as she was in her original form.
Back to the tape: I figured the best way to listen to this was on the road. I'm without Walkman so I put all the tracks into a playlist, and since I don't have a car, the bus will have to do. (This experiment is inconclusive, since I couldn’t really make out the lyrics over the whirring of the bus, the announcements from Mr. CTA, and the babblings of an anthropomorphic bottle of pepto bismol.)
Maybe not really being able to make out the lyrics is for the better because, dear reader, some of these songs are anguish-inducing. The type of music where I pray nobody was driving across a bridge as it played. The second program is the one that really stuck out to me. It goes:
Lacy J. Dalton - Taking It Easy
Larry Gatlin and the Gatlin Brothers - Almost Called Her Baby by Mistake
Janie Fricke - You Don’t Know Love
Before I get into it, I want to outline the stereotype of an oldsmobile haver. I wasn’t alone in this wondering and though there were many answers, this is the one I am clinging to:
If you follow the GM literature and lifestyle this would have been your third car from then after owning a Chevy (basic transport for starting out) and Pontiac (more sports oriented for when you’re in your 20’s). After you marry and have a few kids you buy the Olds and refresh it every couple years until they grow and move out then you get a Buick until you retire, then you get a Cadillac as your last car.
Okay, I’ll cling to this one as well:
The Olds was a boulevard cruiser. It was about going to the drive in or inspiration point for some action! This cassette just greased the wheel :D
The overarching theme of Program 2 is yearning. A yearning that driving away in your Oldsmobile won’t cure. Always On My Mind begins as so:
Quite as often as I could have
And maybe I didn't treat you
Quite as good as I should have
Holy Shit. If I were a middle-aged man being confronted with Willie Nelson’s remorse while barreling down the road in a thousands-pound death machine, I would make a quick U-turn back to the dealer and ask them what kind of joke they are playing on me. Compared to the other three songs, this one makes you think deeply about your role in your relationship, easy to do on a long drive home. Maybe you also didn’t hold her all those lonely times, and maybe you never told her that you’re so happy that she’s yours. A swift punch to the chest to start you off, but maybe you are better off for it.
"Takin’ It Easy" is a great buffer - an upbeat ditty about dreaming of a beach vacation with an unnamed lover. This yearning isn’t painful like its predecessor. It’s actually quite a nice listen: a song that would make you look out the window and envision a dreamy getaway with the person you love. Maybe you’ll book an appointment with the local travel agent when your schedule gets less hectic.
That dreamy getaway tastefully fades out, and so begins The Gatlin Brother’s "Almost Called Her Baby By Mistake". A pathetic, shaky-voiced Larry Gatlin crawling towards you on his hands and knees to confess how he *almost* called her (another woman) baby by mistake (a lie - it is later revealed that he did in fact call her baby!), and tried to make with her what only you and I can make. Joined in by his brothers and a slow, painful electric guitar solo. I would tell Larry to blow it out his ass.
"You Don’t Know Love" is the most epic of the four, starting out quaint before entering a booming chorus (as country-pop ought to do) about how you don’t know love until it chills you to the bone, turns you inside out, and left you all alone. Perhaps you don’t know love until you’ve watched it die and then you have to try again. Rinse and repeat. I envision this song as the timid midwestern woman’s "You Oughtta Know".
These artists were part of prior and following complimentary Oldsmobile tapes as well. I think General Motors knew exactly what they were doing with these compilations. Whether it’s for “greasing the wheel” or taking your children to soccer practice, General Motors wants you to associate your Oldsmobile with the realization that the most important thing in life is to appreciate what you’ve got, when you’ve got it. I don’t know if that’s contradictory or highly convenient for an automobile retailer, but either way, they sure can put a playlist together.
Oldsmobile Jingle
Neil Diamond - First You Have to Say You Love Me
Toto - Africa
Barbra Streisand - Comin’ In and Out of Your Life
Bertie Higgins - Key Largo
Willie Nelson - Always on My Mind
Lacy J. Dalton - Taking It Easy
Larry Gatlin and the Gatlin Brothers - Almost Called Her Baby by Mistake
Janie Fricke - You Don’t Know Love
Champaign - Try Again
Chuck Mangione - To the Eighties (Excerpt)
Ramsey Lewis - Up Where We Belong
Weather Report - Birdland
Philadelphia Orchestra, Eugene Ormandy, Conductor - R. Strauss - Also Sprach Zarathustra Op. 30 (Excerpt)
Philadelphia Orchestra, Eugene Ormandy, Conductor - Chopin - Waltz In C Sharp Minor, Op. 64 No. 2
Phillippe Entremont, Piano - Chopin - Minute Waltz in G Flat Major, Op. 64 No. 1
The Columbia Symphony Orchestra, Andre Kostelanetz, Conductor - Rimsky-korsakov. Hymn to the Sun from “Le Coq d’or”